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Have you ever done this before?…
After someone dumps you, you send them like a hundred messages saying, “where are you?” and try to call them non-stop.
I have done this so many times when I was younger. I just wanted some answers, all I wanted was to know was WHY he left me.
I know it’s hard, but you shouldn’t do that. Especially if you really want them back. I will explain why later on in this video.
After my TV husband left me, I cried a lot, felt sorry for myself, talked to my friends about it and kept on wondering why he really left. After about a week of intense googling and researching ‘how to get him back’ I learnt about 7 emotional changes that men go through after they leave women.
1: They list your flaws.
Whatever the reasons are when a man decides to leave, he has thought about them for quite some time before finally deciding to leave the relationship. Straight after they make their move, men tend to make a list of the bad things about you. This could be like…
> She was too controlling
> She worked too much
> She brought out the worst in me
> She’s not the same person I met
> She was too demanding
> She always left the kitchen lights on
> She snored too much
> She drank too much coffee
> She was always tired
Why do they make a list of your faults?
Because it leads right to the next emotion.
2: “I was right”
They want to justify to themselves that because of all those reasons, that they made the right choice. They want to think ‘she was wrong, I was right.’
If you keep on ringing him or sending him messages, he’ll add that action to the list.
He’ll think “She annoys the crap out of me” or “She’s so crazy and clingy, I was so lucky I left her”.
STOP TEXTING HIM. I know it’s hard not to, if you want answers and want him back so badly.
I actually talked to my ex about 3 days after, and I asked him if he wanted to get back together. The answer was NO. He was still deep in the fault-finding phase about me then, so whatever I said he would reject me anyway.
3: Feeling sad
It’s hard for them to think “I’m right” for too long. They start to think about their ex. They wonder “is she ok?” or “Is she smiling again now?” It’s not like he wants to get back together, but after a few weeks he may text her friends or flatmates to find out how she is doing. The feeling of guilt is creeping up on him.
4: He starts to think about other men around her.
When a man leaves a woman, somehow, he thinks she is still his.
He thinks because he left her, she must still love him. That if he wanted to, he could get her back at any time. He starts to wonder if his ex has found a new men yet (obviously not as good as him though).He might make himself feel better by reasoning , ‘she was so sad when I left , she’s probably still cut up about it ’
He knows that its wrong, but he will start to check your social media.
If you are still connected with your ex on social media, you shouldn’t block him – I will explain why in another video.
That leads to the next emotion…
He discovers your new boyfriend on social media. You look happier and more beautiful than ever. Suddenly he’ll think ‘she’s leaving me for another man! ’.
HE left you, but in his mind, you are still his girl.
He will revisit the mental list he made of your flaws and maybe start to wonder if he should have been more patient and understanding. They bargain to themselves, ‘Maybe if I was more accepting of who she was, we could have worked it out. If I stayed, she would never have been taken by another man’
After all those emotional changes, he may realise that he still loves her very much. He may think if he doesn’t make a move now, he may lose her forever.
Of course, every man and every situation are different. Your ex may never want to get back with you or feel the same as this list.
If you really want to get back with your ex, there are a few things you could try…
7: Move on
He decides to move on from the breakup. This could mean winning his ex-back, or to leave the relationship in the past and accept he’s single or look for a new relationship.
Please remember the different stages of how men feel after they leave.
There is a huge time delay of emotions between men and women. If your partner has just left you, sadly it just sucks. I know. If you want to cry, I cry with you.
Men need time to realise how wonderful you were. If you think you’re meant to be together, you have to give him some time.
Don’t worry, if you guys are meant to be, he will come back to you.
You are still beautiful, there are still people that love you.
Please subscribe to my channel and watch my next video “The first thing I did for myself after a bad breakup”
You can read Yuki’s other dating stories on this journal.