4: Analyse your faults – why did he leave me? + the first thing I did for myself.

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After my ex left me, for a week or two I was miserable.
I was wondering every moment I was alone why he had to leave me. Sleeping in the half empty bed made me cry all over again.

At that point, I still wanted him back so badly, but I knew I couldn’t keep crying for too long. I mean, I am 33. I didn’t want to waste any more time, when the clock is ticking to start a family.

In the past, my exes never told me the truth, the real reason why they left me. I think because they didn’t want to be labelled “the bad guy”.
They didn’t want to hurt me more by telling me the truth. They sugar-coated the real reasons.

So I analysed our breakup. The reasons why my ex wanted to leave all of a sudden.
I wrote down every possible reason I could think of.

Here is some of the things I wrote down:

> We had too many heated arguments
> His vision of married life was different from mine
> He felt responsible for looking after me and the dog
> I work too much
> I had too many rules for the house (like cleaning)
> I made all the decisions around the house
> I didn’t get on well with his parents
> I didn’t try hard enough to be friends with his friends
> I was suffering with PMS
and so on…

Looking at that list, I was a pretty horrible person to be around.

It’s often not JUST one reason why men decide to leave.
Every little argument, feeling of rejection, every time I made him unhappy, every little thing stacked up in his mind and one day he exploded ; the end.

No one is perfect.
I’m far from it.
By making a list, I was able to see things from his point of view. I started to understand my past breakups better.

I said before, at this point I still really wanted him back. I knew I would need to make some changes before that could happen. I started to spiral further and blame myself for the breakup.

To get out of this downward spiral, I started doing little things for myself like putting a plaster over an open wound.

The first thing I bought was a new set of shampoo and conditioner, and a treatment.
At the time the only thing I liked about myself was my long hair, but doing my hair was my last priority then. After being miserable for 2 weeks straight, looking myself in the mirror was like a horror story.

My new set of haircare products were a game changer. Somehow it felt like I could wash away my troubles and my hair slowly became fabulous and silky again. The gentle smell of my hair after a wash made me feel like ‘it will be ok’.

I really think everyone has something little that makes them feel great about themselves.
It could be getting a new set of skin care or make up, shoes, clothes, perfume or getting your hair or nails done, anything is worth a try if you think it will help you get out of that post breakup downward spiral.

One other thing I bought was a pregnancy test…you know, just in case.
No one wants a surprise later.

With my day job being a hairstylist, I have seen some clients go through separations or difficult divorces. When they come to me to get their hair done straight after or during that time, they often talk about their relationships and some start to cry in my chair. It’s part of my job to just listen to them. After their time with me, I’m sure they feel better because they look fabulous.
Then next time they come and see me after 6-8 weeks, they all become more beautiful than ever.
When a woman finally gets through the draining process of a bad breakup, they have a whole new aura. We all do.
Girls are tough, and I love that.

I explained in this video why we should analyse our flaws in our past relationships. It’s very important to look at ourselves, outside of the box to understand the whole situation. Whether you’re working on getting back together with your ex or moving on, it’s good to find out and to not to make the same mistakes again.

Please like this video and subscribe to my channel, in my next video I will explain why “Why you need to change outside as well as inside if you want your ex back”

Thank you all.

You can read Yuki’s other dating stories on this journal.