Men and women process feelings so differently. Sometimes it seems almost impossible to understand each other.
When we share a problem, women want to be agreed with, then shown care and empathy.
When men hear our problem, they think they need to come up with a solution.
Except we never ask for one.
I was working in a high-pressure environment and so was my boyfriend at the time.
He had been in the same industry for a few years longer than me, so he often gave me good advice. I thought that was a very helpful and kind gesture in the beginning.
One day on the way home from the office, I was almost in tears. My boss made my life very difficult that day. I phoned my boyfriend to tell him about it. All I wanted to hear was “oh you poor thing, don’t worry about it. You didn’t do anything wrong”. Something like my friends would say.
Instead, he yelled down the phone, “You should just quit! The job’s not for you.’’
Oh yes, what a simple solution.
Of course, that started a massive argument, with us screaming back and forth “why can’t you understand how I feel?” and “I’m telling you, just quit your job!”
Do you get it?
I was seeking empathy and wanted him to agree with my feelings.
He, trying to be kind, gave his best solution for my situation I was in. We missed each other’s point of the conversation.
One day I said to him, “I just want you to agree with me sometimes”.
He sarcastically replied, “I agree with you’’.
I let out a big sigh and decided in that moment that I didn’t want to be in that relationship anymore.
I’ve heard the formula : ‘ real age x 0.7 = a man’s mental age.’
I think that’s so true. We girls have to realise that many men are mentally young for their age. Except maybe some men who have been trained well by women. It’s hard to have a truly equal relationship; both people must be able to respect the other’s feelings and not be pushed around by their partner’s way of thinking.