Self talk

Like many other young women, at times, I am my own worst critic. It’s something I’m aware of and am trying to change. I have been working on talking to myself more positively. The other day, though, I had a setback. I got my new passport photo back…and had a full-blown melt down.

‘Is this what everyone else sees?’ ‘no one will ever marry me’ ‘I. am. so. ugly’ were some of the kinder thoughts I thought when I saw it. Yikes. It sounds so silly, to be crushed by something so small, but I was. I totally tore myself to shreds over it.

‘if you want to make a problem bigger, keep talking about it’.
Your inner voice or monolog shapes how you perceive yourself and I believe, can shape your entire life. For example, I had a boyfriend once who despite earning a lot more money than I did, would constantly complain about being poor. ‘I never have any money’ he’d say. Guess what? He never did. He’d fritter it all away. He’d told himself that he was poor so frequently, it became reality.

Recently I read, ‘You believe what you say more than you believe what others say’, which is so true. I would encourage anyone reading this to take a mental log of how you speak to yourself. Do you put yourself down if you make a mistake? Do you tend to make fun of yourself to get people to laugh? What are you speaking into reality?

When faced with an unexpected problem, it can be easy to react emotionally. The next day, when I had calmed down, I tried to look at the passport situation more rationally. I realised that; I was hormonal (who’s surprised?) and that in the photo I had dirty hair and hadn’t done my makeup. It was also a picture that few people would see.

What would I say to a friend who hated her own photo? Definitely not ‘no one will marry you’. If you wouldn’t say it to a friend, don’t say it to yourself.